In Recognition of Mother's Day

Every year as Mother’s Day approaches I am particularly aware that both Mother’s and Father’s Day are precarious holidays to navigate. While they should be wonderful celebrations of the people who gave us life, they often carry with them some heaviness, sadness, jealousy, longing and loneliness.

Perhaps my own situation has made me more aware. I lost my Mother many years ago and I never had my own children. Mother’s Day can make me feel left out. It can make me feel like everyone is looking at me, wondering why I don’t have children.

Over the years my feelings on Mother’s Day have changed a lot. Now, I try to acknowledge and recognize all the amazing Mother’s around me. Let’s face it, Moms have a big job. They tend to carry most of the domestic weight in a household. Many also work outside of the home. They are expected to keep everyone fed, clean, healthy and on-time, all while acting like its no big deal. Moms are incredible. My own Mother was a shining example of a dedicated Mother. And her influence spread far and wide. She was a labor and delivery nurse- literally dedicating her 40+ year career to helping other people become parents. Being present during their most vulnerable and special moments in their lives. I have 2 sisters that learned from her example. They are both great Mothers and humans.

I am blessed to have close friends that are now Mother’s. And let me tell you, it does not matter how old someone is, once they are a Mom- Momming is their job. Some of my friends are younger than me, but regularly give me motherly guidance and love.

I have co-workers that care for me like their their own children- never forgetting my birthday or any important day in my life.

I am also so blessed that after my Mother passed away, my Father found a wonderful partner who offers her love so freely you would never know that she never had her own children. She is a Mom to me. She was born to be.

So while I recognize that this day can be so hard. I urge you to be thankful that Moms exist. Without Moms, we’d all be hungry, dirty and probably naked.

If you need support on Mother’s or Father’s Day, that is okay. Here are A few tips to minimize complicated feelings on these days:

1. Stay off social media. My feeds tend to be a litany of dedications to “The Best Mom” or declarations like “I’m the luckiest Mom in the World”.

2. Do something you enjoy. Get outside. Do not spend the day at home alone. Take a hike, go to the beach, go outlet shopping.

3. Do something your parent enjoyed/enjoys. This is usually what I do. I miss my Mother everyday. On her Birthday and Mother’s Day, I try to do something she enjoyed so that I can feel connected to her.

4. Call a friend.

5. Make a therapy appointment (if you need it).

6. Get artsy. Sketch, paint, write. Do something creative.

7. Cook something new. This can engage so many of your senses. And you (hopefully) get something delicious at the end. 

8. Do some Spring cleaning. Lame, I know. But, I’m sure you’ve been putting some things off that you could do today. Distraction is not always a bad thing.

Regardless of what you are going through, I hope both Mother’s and Father’s Day can be a healing time for you. I’m sending love your way. And if you are a Mom- Thanks for being you.